Player Profiles

Name Ian Black

Age 40

Club Nickname Blacky

Shirt Number any number between 2 and 11

Position Any where that has been vacated by players not turning up to play

Occupation Copper Conductivity Technician; Jarvis Brook Media Correspondent

Car Renault Megane

Favourite team(s) Newcastle United; Brighton; Macclesfield; Lazio

Best player you’ve played with Alan Shearer

Toughest opponent My wife on a Saturday night

Best goal you ever scored My toe poke from 25 yards at Barcombe 4 years ago

Favourite ground Limekiln

Worst ground Dogs**t Alley, Seaford; Stadium of Shi**

Proudest moment Signing on for the Limekiln lads

Most embarrassing moment Scrambling on all fours whilst trying to keep up with No. 9 when playing for Nealer’s Team against Lewes Bridgeview

Music likes Tsunami Bomb and other bands that you musical heathens have never heard of

Favourite film/ tv programme Jackanory; Soccer am

Married/single Married

Where will you be in 10 years time In Antigua, sitting on the veranda of my spacious beachfront bungalow sipping chilled red stripe beer served to me by a topless Carib girl called Mica whilst watching the warm sun setting over the crystal blue ocean. Assisting Mica, is Bonnie who will be feeding me from a seafood platter allowing her long manicured fingers to caress my lips as I allow another tasty morsel to slide down my throat. I drift slowly off into a dreamy dream of my old life in Blighty.

Or Else

Sitting in Limekiln Lounge with the wind and rain beating incessantly against the windows being served warm Becks by a topless Bunny, listening to Sticky moaning and whinging about something unimportant whilst feeding me a floppy one. I drift away into thoughts of a hedonistic lifestyle in a warmer climate

Name: Neil Baker

Age: 24

Club Nickname: Psycho (Thanks Jake)

Shirt Number: 1

Position: Goalkeeper

Occupation: Engineer

Car: The Power Pug. (Peugeot 106 GTI)

Favourite team(s): Arsenal

Best player you’ve played with: Probably Dan Berwick (That will make his head even bigger, might not fit in the flat)

Toughest opponent: The voices in my head.

Best goal you ever scored: Yeah Right. Made some good saves though.

Favourite ground: Can only be the Top pitch at the Limekiln.

Worst ground: Can only be the Middle pitch at the Limekiln. Or the Old town rec. in Eastbourne. Up-hill both ways!?

Proudest moment: football wise winning the cup. Other than that being able to tie my own shoe laces. Bye-bye Velcro.

Most embarrassing moment: So many. Ending up in the goal net up-sidedown after going to swing on it and slipping off.

Music likes: Razorlight, Kasabien that sort of stuff. Oh and the Rednex Cotton-Eye-Joe.

Favourite film/ tv programme: Animal stuff. But not monkeys, bit too human.

Married/single: Single

Where will you be in 10 years time: Same Shit Different Day. Or living in a Space house on the Moon.

Name Craig Harman

Age 17

Club Nickname Craaaaaig (luke will telll u how that 1 goes)

Shirt Number 10

Position Striker

Occupation Student

Car Citroen Saxo

Favourite team(s) Manchester United

Best player you’ve played with Kev Lee, Luke Turner

Toughest opponent Ross Featherstone is pretty impossible to get round (can take weeks)

Best goal you ever scored the 1 on sat against Bolney Rovers weren’t bad im never normally that far out the box

Favourite ground The new Den/ Broadoak scoring my 1st goal

Worst ground The wolf rec shooting uphill with the wind against you

Proudest moment scoring against Crowborough to win 2-1

Most embarrassing moment Last weekends shooting

Music likes Dance, hip-hop

Favourite film/ tv programme Green street, borat

Married/single Single

Where will you be in 10 years time Still scoring for Brook

Name Dan Wright

Age 17

Club Nickname Kenzie

Shirt Number 7

position Right Midfield

Occupation Plaster

Car Peugeot 306

Favourite team(s) Liverpool

Best player you’ve played with Luke Tunner, Kevin Lee, Ian Black

Toughest opponent Liam Boyles

Best goal you ever scored When I Was Playing For The School Last Season 25 Yards out (Just Like Steven Gerrard)

Favourite ground Jarvis Brook

Worst ground Crawley

Proudest moment Winning The Sunday League Last Season

Most embarrassing moment Missing From Yard Last Season

Music likes RnB, Dance

Favourite film/ tv programme Borat

Married/single Single

Where will you be in 10 years time In Jarvis Brook 1st Team Doing What I Do Best